Staying Rooted in Vulnerability.

One of the most challanging things I've had to confront on this journey is the need to compare but no one talks about the difficulty in comparsion of the person you used to be. It's one of the most humbling experiences one can have. The grief so profound that can be all consuming. It fundamentally changes you as a person, feels like you're grabbing onto anything that reminds you of the person you used to be but everytime you reach out, it all slips through your hands until you reconigze that the only moment we have is the now. I kept looking back at the past hoping that I would regain those moments but all they did was create more inner turmoil, as I noticed those moments for what they are, just stepping stones on this process we call life that bring us closer to the person we have been meant to be since the day we are born. I sit here and I say thank you for even allowing me the opportunity to share parts of my journey with others so they know they're seen and heard because when you're in searching and exploring in the depths of who you are the feelings of lonliness and rejection arise, suddenly you aren't the adult but merely a child trying to find it's way back home no matter how old you are. I find it difficult to sit with those emotions for more than a couple minutes, I am reminded to come back to the present moment. So much so that taking myself on a date that was outside my rountine of walking the lake brought geniune tears to my eyes. I recognize we are inherently social beings for the most part, craving connection, community and general understanding that we are heard felt or seen to some degree.

At times I sit in a void waiting for all the emotions I've repressed to return to me and this has been one of the most uncomfortable parts. Have you ever felt disconnected but somehow so connected at the same time? Sitting in the void but still maintaining strength to continue going after the things you wanna go after. With every step I take, I remind myself of my intentions of why I am put here. Inviting those to wear our hearts on our sleeves more often despite the trauma or situations that have kept us feeling bound to unimaginable grief but have also brought us extreme moments of gratitude and introspection.